[3MinuteCoach] The Basics of Balance

June 12, 2007, Issue #65 The Basics of Balance
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	Welcome to the 3 Minute Coach! Another change of seasons brings another issue of the newsletter. Hope you enjoy this one! As always, the newsletter is available online at the link at the top of the email or on my site, under Archives. In peace, love and gratitude. Louise

In this Issue	1. Food for Thought 2. Keep it Simple 3. Feature Article: Turning Holidays into Memories 4. Related Quotes 5. Working Towards Wholeness Action Step 6. Offerings 7. Copyright, Subscription & Related Information 8. Three-Minute Tools To access the many resources available, use the navbar links below the masthead to go directly to the various sections of my website.

Food for Thought	Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness. James Thurber

Keep it Simple	Change or Solution? When is a change a solution? And when is it just a change? That's an easy one! It's when the problem goes away. Very often we make a change and think we're done. However, if the change was to solve a problem and the problem is still there, then all we've really done is to create a new problem. Or rather, we've just changed the look of the old problem. Sometimes the change costs money so we are reluctant to acknowledge it didn't work. Depending on the amount of money, we might decide we can live with the problem. That's fine, as long as it is a conscious choice and we truly stop thinking about the problem as a problem. That is the key: unless we stop spending energy fretting about the problem, we can't stop at the first attempt to solve it. Look around you. Where have your problem-solving changes made a positive difference and where have they just extended the problem? Remember, any energy not spent in creating your best life is energy wasted.

Feature Article	The Basics of Balance Many people interested in personal coaching are interested in creating balance in their lives. Balance can take many forms, such as between career and home, between people in a relationship, and between work and play, just to name a few. No matter what kind of balance you are seeking, here are some of the basic things to consider about balance. Balance is not created "in the moment". There is a common misconception that if you have a balanced life, each moment is balanced. Nothing could be further from the truth. In order to feel balanced, it is important to view our lives from a bigger perspective: a day, a week, sometimes even a month. In any given moment, we tend to focus on a particular item (whether work, play, home, love, children, etc.), so we need to look at the overall fabric of our life to get a true picture of how balanced our life is. It's all about percentages over the time frame we've chosen. Pay attention to those numbers! Balance between people operates like a tennis match. The balance we create with other people follows the same principle as the balance between different areas of our lives and usually revolves around control, either of a situation or the relationship. For me, the healthiest relationships are those in which the balance of power goes back and forth between the two individuals in that relationship. Again, in any given moment, only one person is typically in control. It is the percentage of time as well as the frequency of passing the torch that are the markers of success here. While it's nice to be in control, there is a lot to be said for the opportunity for not having to be in control. When we are allowed to move freely between the two, we are personally in balance and at peace. Our relationships and our lives just work better. I should also add that there are some relationships which work very well with one party being the dominant person and the other the subordinate person all or almost all of the time. As long as each person is happy in their role and feels no resentment or sense of being used, then a perfect balance has been achieved! Lack of personal balance creates the stress in our lives. If you look around at people who feel stressed or overwhelmed, it is usually because they have lost balance somewhere in their lives and they feel incapable of getting that balance back. One of the best ways to regain balance is to follow your breath for 3 long, slow, deep breaths, holding each part of the breath for as long as you can. Engage your mind around the process of breathing and then notice how much calmer you are. At that point, ask yourself "what's the most important thing for me to do right now?" Then DO IT! Action is one of the best cures for stress there is! And taking action on the priority items reduces multiple layers of stress at once. Balance of mind, body and spirit is the same as being "in" integrity. When we are in balance, in harmony with our mind, body and spirit, that is the same thing as feeling "in" integrity. For me, integrity is when our actions match our words which match our beliefs. Being "out" of integrity is another reason we feel out of balance. I often feel that imbalance in my stomach, while fear tends to reside in my throat. A great exercise is to start paying attention to what part of your body is affected when you feel "off". Once you have figured out where the different emotions reside in your body, you will have an excellent clue for where to begin the search for what's wrong. You'll have a good sense of whether it's fear, lack of integrity, guilt or another emotion, and you can then more quickly identify the specific. Remember, when you return to living your truth, you will return to balance. Balance is directly linked to the choices we make. One essential fact about balance is that you can never create balance if you have to fit 36 hours worth of anything into a 24 hour day. To truly live in balance, we must identify what is really important to us and practice saying no to the rest. It can be done gently but it must be done firmly. Don't let other people's lack of balance allow you to go off balance. I must admit that in the work environment I was someone who always accepted the job (whatever it was) because I thought I had to. I still vividly remember the first time I heard a co-worker negotiate with our boss about a new assignment. In a very neutral voice, she listed the top 4 things she was already working on and asked which project the boss wanted her to give up to take on the new one. That was it, clean and simple. By the way, she didn't get the new assignment but guess who did!

Related Quotes	The Basics of Balance "Fortunate, indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right measure of himself and holds a just balance between what he can acquire and what he can use." -- Peter Latham "Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance and order and rhythm and harmony." -- Thomas Merton "Man always travels along precipices. His truest obligation is to keep his balance." -- Pope John Paul II "Action is at bottom a swinging and flailing of the arms to regain one's balance and keep afloat." -- Eric Hoffer "Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving." -- Albert Einstein "Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance." -- Brian Tracey "Wisdom is your perspective on life, your sense of balance, your understanding of how the various parts and principles apply and relate to each other. It embraces judgment, discernment, comprehension. It is a gestalt or oneness, and integrated wholeness." -- Stephen Covey "Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management. Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices." -- Betsey Jacobson

Working Towards Wholeness Action Step	For me, wholeness represents being my best self living my best life. I believe there are 13 keys to living in wholeness (5 Steps, 8 Elements). Each newsletter, I will look at one action step you can take so that you may get one step closer to wholeness. Wholeness Key: Accept responsibility for your life. Action Step: Practice accepting responsibility. This issue's action step is practicing the first step towards wholeness, which is accepting responsibily for everything that's happened in your life, both good and bad.. Simply put, you can not claim the power to change your life if you do not accept the responsibility for creating the life you are in. Your actions AND/OR beliefs ultimately (and often unconsciously) have a direct bearing on your life today. Don't be someone things happen to or for (victim or child). If you've never thought of life this way before, it can seem like quite a stretch. Yet we all know people who make things happen despite incredible odds. They're no different than you or I, except very often in the way they approach life. You've probably heard the phrase 'mind over matter'. This concept is just an extension of that phrase. I'd also like to add that there are some very negative events that most of us would never consciously choose. I believe in accepting responsibility even for those. This is linked to my belief that we are all here for a purpose and the lessons of the first half of our life (and the repeated lessons later on in life) are our unconscious preparation to live our life purpose to the maximum effectiveness. Over and over again, I have seen evidence that once a person gets clarity about their life purpose, we begin to understand the deeper meaning and lesson of those events. Here's an exercise to help you become more comfortable with accepting responsibility for everything in your life. Take 2 clean pieces of paper. On the very top of the first page, write the word "POSITIVE". On the very top of the second page, write the word "NEGATIVE". Draw a line down the middle of both pages, creating two columns On the top of Column 1, write "EVENT". On the top of Column 2, write "HOW THIS HELPED MAKE ME WHO I AM TODAY". Do this on both pages. Start with the sheet marked "POSITIVE". Begin by reflecting on the many positive things that have happened over your life. For each event you think of, write a complete sentence in Column 1 ("EVENT") similar to this: I accept responsibility for x, I am responsible for x, I was responsible for x. Some examples might be: "I accept responsibility for working hard to create a happy family and family life" "I accept responsibility for all the career choices I have made." "I was responsible for the successful coaching of my son's little league team." NOTE: Accepting responsibility for the events in your life is not the same as claiming the complete and total credit for these events. We have many co-creators in our life, including God and the Universe. Allow yourself to share and accept your role in the creation of all good things in your life (and for the negative as well, in the next section). Use as many sheets for positive as you need. The more the merrier. For each statement of responsibility you made in Column 1, answer the question at the top of Column 2, starting directly across from the 1st line of the statement. For each person the "how this helped make me who I am today" will be different. Another way I often ask this question is "What part of you that you would not give up came out of this experience?" Repeat the steps in the last section with the sheet marked "NEGATIVE". Do the exact same thing for the negative events in your life. It is often harder to accept responsibility for these events, but when you can see the relationship between your actions and what happens to you, you have made a monumental leap towards wholeness. In fact, getting to the point where you can express gratitude for these events helps us finally complete our past, which is Step #3 towards wholeness. Reflect on the exercise. Take a new piece of paper and write down your thoughts, feelings and any awarenesses you might have had.

Offerings	Blockbusting 101 [Single-Session] Have you been trying to achieve something for a long time but it still remains elusive? You know you are capable yet that final prize remains just out of reach. You end up feeling stuck and it seems impossible to get from here to there, even though you can see the road clearly? If this is familiar, then this is the ideal offering for you! Blockbusting 101 is a one-hour session focused on a single target and what's getting in YOUR way. Very often it is our underlying and unconscious beliefs that prevent us from achieving our goals. I will work with you in a very focused manner to get at the underlying obstacle to your success in that area. Using a range of techniques, including a process I call Soul Statements, we get to the heart of the issue in a very short time. Once we've identified the block, we will look at various action steps to both further resolve the issue and to make progress towards your goal. The cost for a one-hour Blockbusting session is $75. Spiral Staircase [Single-Session] Have your affirmations lost that first excitement and power? When you work with your affirmations, do you hear a loud voice crying "No! That's not true!" every time you try to say them? If your affirmations have lost their oomph, this is the right offering for you! In a 60-minute session, we will build a Spiral Staircase that starts with something you absolutely believe in until you reach the landing, where a viable, believable affirmation sits. Using language that embraces both your head and your heart, you will complete the session with a working document that you can use on a daily basis to create the reality of your dreams. The cost for a one-hour Spiral Staircase session is $75. Ongoing Coaching Ready for someone in YOUR corner? Still having trouble getting from here to where you want to be? Then an ongoing relationship with a personal coach may be just what you need. Coaching can be scheduled either 1, 2 or 3 times a month at 4, 7 or 10% of your take home pay. To learn more about ongoing coaching, please check out my formats page. Once you've done that, then sign up for a Test Drive! "Other coaches might be talented, or well-trained in techniques but Louise is GIFTED in what she does. It's a completely different experience that breaks through FAST!" -- Anthony Warren, Executive Coach, London, UK Call or email today to set up a breakthrough session or find out more about ongoing coaching!

Copyright, Subscription & Related Information	Louise Morganti Kaelin is a Life Success Coach who partners with others to help them turn their dreams into reality. Phone: 1-484-660-3143 Email: louise@touchpointcoaching.com Web: www.touchpointcoaching.com Thanks for reading The 3-Minute Coach. Help spread the word! Please share The 3-Minute Coach with your mailing list, friends and associates -- anyone interested in living their life to its fullest potential. All I ask is that you observe the copyright guidelines listed below. Copyright (c) 2007, all rights reserved. The 3-Minute Coach is a publication of TouchPoint Coaching. Permission is granted to reproduce, copy or distribute this newsletter provided that The 3-Minute Coach is kept intact, and this copyright notice and full information about contacting the author are attached. If you are interested in using the Feature or Keep it Simple article on your website or in your newsletter, please contact me at the email noted above for the resource box to use. If you've been forwarded this newsletter and want to join, please visit the Newsletter page and fill out the simple subscription form. Once you have confirmed your subscription, you will receive access to the e-book "Blueprint for Success"