Below is our newsletter for this week. Remember, we are not the end-all, be-all! We are just teachers
sharing our thoughts and ideas with you. Feel free to modify strategies you receive from us to fit you
and your classroom!
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In our last newsletter we talked about the developmental stages that can lead to a wide variety of student
behaviors. While they are important, developmental stages are only one aspect that influence behavior.
Home life, peers, and past experiences in school also make a difference. When trying to determine why a
student is behaving a certain way, looking at his home life and the friends he hangs out with on a regular
basis will give you another piece in the puzzle.
Just like teaching styles, there are also parenting styles. The two extreme parenting styles can cause
rebellion in children. The Authoritarian style is very demanding and expects students to tow the line at
all times. There is little to no flexibility and the parent expects to be obeyed at all costs and without
exception. This parenting style is very domineering and leaves the student with little to no power/control
over his or her own life. As a result the student may become domineering towards others outside of the
home. This is the adolescents way of gaining some sort of control in their life. You may also see passive
aggressive behavior towards other adults (teachers and administrators). The student may outwardly seem to
be obeying while either secretly or quietly undermining the authority of the adult. This may happen
through writing, whispered comments, or a lack of action to follow through with acceptance of directions.
Students may also seem defiant when faced with consequences. However, in many cases this defiance is only
an act to keep the student from continuing to be hurt emotionally. When punished in school, this student
knows that they face even worse punishment at home. Depending on the parent, this punishment could even
become abusive in nature. It is important to understand the relationship between the student and the
parent to better understand the student's behavior.
On the opposite side you have the Lassez-Fair parents who feel that to punish their child or give any
consequence what-so-ever would be detrimental to her well-being. Therefore the child is reprimanded gently
for misbehaviors, but never held accountable in any way for that behavior. Another variable to this
parenting style are parents who do not provide any kind of structure or accountability for the child.
Their child is allowed to go and come freely through the house and it almost seems as if the parents do
not really care about the actions and/or friends held by their child. This parenting style may allow for a
great deal of power and control in the hands of the student. Once feeling that power over an adult at
home, it is difficult for that student to then relinquish control once inside the classroom. This student
will openly defy the teacher without worry about consequences because he knows that his parents will stand
behind him. Additionally, this student may be unconsciously seeking structure and accountability and as
such continues to push the limits until it occurs. To the student, total freedom may be equated with a
lack of caring on the part of the parent.
Of course, with both of these parenting styles, there are ranges as well. One style does not fit all. That
is why it is important to enter into dialogue with the parents to better understand where the child is
coming from. The more you interact with parents, both over the phone and in person, the better you'll be
able to understand the student. Look at the body language of parents, listen to the tone of voice used,
and watch the student reaction as the parents speak. These will give you an even better idea of what is
happening in the home than just the words spoken by the parents.
So, what can we do? The first place to start is to see if these are behaviors that have been going on for
a long time. Is this an on-going problem? What is the history of this child and family? The best place to
find that information is in the cumulative folders held by the school and the counselor. Remember, you are
gathering facts to help you better understand the student. By knowing what has happened in the past you
can determine whether these behaviors are caused by something new or if they've been happening since the
very beginning. You may discover some important clues that will help you better interact with the
student.
Second, meet with the parents. If at all possible, you might want to meet with the parents and have the
student in on the meeting for at least a little while. This will give you some insight into the
relationship between the parent and student. Use your conference as a way to help you understand how the
parents deal with the student. It may be that they have some ideas you might find useful. At the very
least, their reaction to you will help you understand what the student may be dealing with at home. Do
your best to develop a positive relationship with the parents and strongly encourage that you work
together to help the student overcome this issue. Depending on how the parents react, you'll have an idea
of what you need to do next.
If you get little to no support from the parents, then you know that it is on your shoulders to help this
student. Is that fair? No. But is it fair to the student that we simply give up? If the parents are not
doing all they can to help their child, then who else does the child have to be a steady and positive
influence in his or her life? The most important gift you can give to your challenging and difficult
students is the gift of a positive relationship. Take the time to begin talking to that student. Ask about
their day, every day. Find out what is happening in their life. What are they doing this afternoon? Have
they seen a certain movie? What did they think about it? Don't just talk AT the student, but talk with
him.
Developing a relationship takes time and energy. You must put yourself into the relationship to make it
work and you cannot give up. When you give up, that just adds another notch to the student's notion that
no one really cares. This adds another layer to the shield and makes it that much harder to crack. The
student will do all she can to make you leave, knowing the whole time that you never really cared. You
must prove to him that no matter what, you will still care. This is the biggest challenge for us and the
one thing that the student will have the hardest time believing, especially if you are the first teacher
to really show an interest. Why should you care when no one else has? Why should you stick when no one
else has? What's in it for you? These are all questions that the student will be asking herself.
Take a minute and think about the really great teacher stories. You know the ones - the teacher works with
the most challenging students and not only overcomes those challenges but ends up with great students who
will do anything for that teacher. Go out and rent one of those movies - Stand and Deliver (Jaime
Escalante), Dangerous Minds, Mr. Holland's Opus, To Sir with Love, Renaissance Man, or Sister Act II - and
see for yourself the element that made the difference. In every instance the teacher takes the time and
energy to develop relationships with the students, to show that he or she cares about each student as a
person. This is what makes a difference. Not a single one of these movies show that it was easy for the
teacher to put in this time and effort or that the change happened over night. Observe the student
behaviors and how home issues affected those student behaviors. What else influenced those behaviors? How
did the teacher overcome/ rise above those issues? While some of these movies are based on reality and
others are truly fiction, they all speak the truth about how much a teacher can make a difference in the
life of a difficult child. That teacher could be you.
Want to respond and share your thoughts about how you understand and deal with student misbehaviors?
Respond to this email and we'll combine them all together in our Idea Share!
====================== Inspirational Thought
======================
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the
soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.
Helen Keller (1880 - 1968)
====================== Thoughts for Reflection
======================
Do you feel you have a good grip on the home life of your most difficult and challenging students? Why or
why not? What could you do to learn more about the home/family influences on your student? Have you spoken
with the school counselor regarding this student to determine if he/she has any further input or insight
into the underlying issues for this behavior? What are some ways you might be able to determine what is
happening at home and the relationship between the parents and student? What would you do with this
information once you have it? What do you think would be the best way to begin a relationship with this
student? How do you feel the student will react to you? Why? What will you have to do to overcome the
student's neutral/negative notion of you in his/her life? What steps do you plan to take? Have you spoken
with teachers from the previous year regarding this student? Does anyone have any positive information and
strategies to offer you? If so, what are they? How likely do you feel you'll be able to make progress with
this student? Why? How likely are you to continue trying anyway? Why?
=========== Feedback
===========
Want to respond and share your thoughts about how you understand and deal with student misbehaviors?
Respond to this email and we'll combine them all together in our Idea Share!
------------------------------------
These thoughts and ideas are brought to you by Emma McDonald co-author of Survival Kit for New
teachers AND the AWARD WINNING Classrooms that SPARK. Find us at
The entire contents of this e-zine are Copyrighted by Inspiring Teachers and Emma McDonald. If you would
like
to reprint all or parts of this e-zine, please contact Inspiring Teachers at 972-496-7633 or toll-free at
1-877-496-7633 or via email to info@inspiringteachers.com