The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year. John Foster Dulles
Reissue from December 2004
For some people, the start of the new year seems like the perfect time to start anew, to finally handle or change something that hasn't been okay. Yet, despite making all sorts of promises, it's rare that we actually stick with it and make those changes that we claim we want. What is it about saying that we want to make a change and actually making the change that stops us?
Despite our good intentions, something usually prevents a permanent change. How often do we vow to exercise regularly, lose weight, get more organized, clean out the closets, stay in touch more often, change jobs, be on time, etc. Sometimes it means making a simple change or designing a realistic plan. Other times we decide to make a change and we hold to it. Yet, how many of us actually stick to a new, consistently positive routine? Seems like a good idea at the time, but before we know it, time has passed and we're back to the same old/same old.
'Conflicting intentions' simply means that we 'intend' one thing, but the subconscious intention in another direction is stronger and wins out. Then, of course, we complain about not reaching our desired goal and give up on the resolution. For example: I want to get a promotion and move up in the corporate world. Yet, the ideas around 'moving up' are associated with more responsibility, less free time, etc. Because that seems so unpleasant (not necessarily on a conscious level), we stick with the same routine to avoid what we think will be more responsibility and less free time. If it's around losing weight, the 'hidden idea' could be that we would have to spend money on new clothes. Oftentimes, we have a subconscious idea associated with the intended result. So how can we can we focus and make changes that actually work on a long-term basis?
It's great to be able to identify where the discrepancies lie between what you say you want and what you really do want because sometimes it turns out it's only what we 'think' we want. Sometimes, we get hooked into the 'shoulds' but a 'should' doesn't come from within and leads to failure and disillusionment. i.e.: I 'should' lose weight and exercise regularly. In actuality, it's not until WE ourselves WANT to lose weight and exercise that we could possibly stick with a plan.
The easiest way to begin is by creating a compelling vision of exactly what you want that includes how you believe you will feel, and how your life will look once the outcome is accomplished (much bigger and broader than a goal). Then, it's important to devise a plan in VERY small, incremental steps that fits your individual style that ultimately leads to making long-lasting, permanent changes. Once a VISION is created (not goals), keep seeing that perfect image in front of you and let it pull you forward so that you can achieve what you have set out to do. By breaking it down into small, tiny steps, (i.e. exercise for 10 minutes twice per week and then add minutes OR frequency) it seems so much simpler and actually 'doable.' Perhaps seeing the same old thing in a new way can be inspiring and motivating and lead to a new, better result.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
Think about something that you would like to change. Create a strong, compelling vision that includes a well-defined outcome. Then devise a step-by-step plan that you share OUT LOUD with a friend or coach and then be accountable on a weekly basis rather than looking at the whole plan by yourself and feeling overwhelmed.
Mark your progress as you go along so that you can take pride and feel good about what has already been accomplished toward the vision. Too often, we get locked into looking at what's left to do and forget to appreciate what's already been done!
Every man who accomplishes things sees first in his mind what he wishes to do. He puts away all doubt. It makes no difference how small or how large the thing you want to do may be; if you have an unlimited confidence in your ability to do it, you will do it. - Charles Fillmore
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I anxiously await hearing about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-08. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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