For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. Fr. Alfred D'Souza
Frequently, we find ourselves not knowing which way to turn. We know that we have to make a choice, but it's not a clear one because we can't discern which aspect is the obstacle holding us back or standing in the way.
A client was unhappy and knew that something was not right, and life just wasn't going smoothly and felt off kilter. We looked at the three main facets that were contributing to the exploration: home, job, and friends. She wasn't sure if one, two, or all of them had to change before things would seem right.
We started with job and kept all of the other variables as they were. Supposing you get a new job that you love with a lot more money, great people, and a great commute. You have the exact same friends, and you live in the exact same place. How does that work for you? Her response: still not okay.
We then looked at friends - Presume you have the same job as now, live in the same place, and have new groups of friends where you feel comfortable and happy and they are supportive and usually available. How does that work? Her response: still not okay.
Suppose you have the same job, the same friends and you live in a completely different neighborhood. One where stores are open late, lots of restaurants, lots of activity, easy commute to work. She immediately knew that was the thing that had to change.
By removing one aspect at a time and changing the description, we tend to know in a moment which one is right for us. Obstacle refers to something that prevents action, slows progress, or something that stands in the way.
Typically, we choose the obvious sticking point (e.g., not getting a raise) as the likely culprit or obstacle and declare that as the reason for our displeasure or inaction. More often than not, there is something else that is actually causing the problem. People claim the reason they are angry and leave their jobs is because they aren't getting paid enough (or didn't get a good raise). Statistics prove that the number one reason people leave is because they do not feel appreciated. And, that appreciation does not necessarily mean financially related in order to diffuse the anger.
A client was getting underway as an entrepreneur and enjoying her flexible schedule and cultivating prospects for new business. Then, she was offered a good, full-time job. Normally, one would expect that it would be a 'no-brainer' decision. Her reason for seriously debating taking the job was a steady paycheck. So when she was asked: "What if you were guaranteed to get the same amount of money as an entrepreneur as you would taking the job, what would you do?" Her immediate response was simple - I would definitely not take the job, and I would continue on my current path. Once we 'remove the obstacle' that which SEEMS to be the reason or cause for indecision, then we can get to the truth in the situation.
The 'obstacle' can be represented in different ways. Usually, it's the idea about something that presumably stands in the way. Or, it could be the one thing that appears to be the draw toward something even though without that 'dangling carrot,' things still don't seem balanced.
One client consistently claimed that it was 'timing' that was keeping her from moving forward. She relies strongly on her intuition, and until she receives a 'signal,' she doesn't move forward. However, she felt stuck and victimized because nothing was happening. When we removed the perceived obstacle, 'timing,' by imagining that the timing was in fact right, she immediately realized how she could begin to move forward. In turn, it provided momentum, and she could recognize how the 'timing signal' that she was waiting for, was simply a fabricated obstacle.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT How often have we put something in the way because we truly believed it was stopping us? Yet, in time, we realized that it was only an obstacle illusion in our minds. What is keeping you from moving forward with a project? A relationship? A big change?
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-08. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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