"When we have begun to take charge of our lives, to own ourselves, there is no longer any need to ask permission of someone." George O'Neil
As some of you already know, each month I begin thinking about newsletter topics well in advance and if nothing comes to me, the drama unfolds. I must have at least 20 unfinished issues to date. This is the 51st newsletter which means that I have written a monthly 700 word Life's Little Lessons for over 4 years without ever missing a beat.... until now. (By the way, 700 words was an arbitrary pick to keep me succinct and /or provide enough detail to make the point.)
In this week's coaching lesson for the class that I teach on becoming a coach, part of the material focused on permission. Most of our choices and decisions are based on giving or getting permission. Often we want to proceed with something in a particular way (or not proceed) but we are fraught with trepidation, guilt, shame or a fear of the way that we will be perceived.
Sometimes we need to ask someone for permission to share something that we notice or want to say.... Are you okay if I offer my opinion here?
For almost all of us, there have been days where we really do not want to go to work and yet, we push ourselves and do it anyway. And, on rare occasions, we 'permit' ourselves a weekday of rest or an opportunity to do things we typically can't do during the week i.e. sleep late, shopping, lunch with a friend.
At first we might feel guilty or worry about the implications and how our boss or co-workers will perceive our taking a day off, but then we realize that we are entitled to have a day for ourselves as long as we aren't shirking responsibility or leaving people in the lurch and being selfish.
Accordingly, often in conversations, we give people permission to do the 'thing' they want to do but are afraid of doing. "Go ahead, take the day off and sleep in, it will be good for you." And, sometimes we help people give permission to themselves. We allow them to discuss their impending decision and usually the person makes the choice after articulating what they are really thinking and wanting to do.
The result is the same - permission is granted. Permission by definition means consent, authorization, sanction, approval, allowance. In the informal, it means go ahead, green light, and thumbs up.
This month, not being different from many others, I started a Life's Little Lesson and lost my passion for the subject matter. Consequently, I looked at the calendar and realized that I only have two more days to produce a newsletter. Then I also recognized that I have two major projects coming up within the next two weeks.
So, for the first time ever, I am giving myself permission to not write 700 words. In fact, I'm not going to go into examples and details beyond this point.
Am I concerned about this decision? Yes. I agonize about disappointing readers expecting to read another Life's Little Lesson. I get concerned about letting people down and not fulfilling an obligation.
Then I stop all the THINKING and check in with myself. This is one of the most freeing things that I can do at this moment in time.
--It allows me to put my energy where it needs to be.
--I can let go of the guilt and the PERCEIVED disappointment.
Truth be told, maybe you aren't disappointed. Conceivably you are pleased or nonplussed. Perhaps I'm being a role model for giving oneself permission? In any event, I'm doing this because it feels good for now.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT (couldn't skip this one)
Think of a time when you wanted to do something but would not give yourself permission to do so? Did you have regrets? If you had to do it over, would you make the same choice?
Perhaps there will be an opportunity for you to give yourself permission to do something out of the ordinary just because it feels good, or you will choose to do so because it makes good sense for that moment in time.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-08. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
*NOTEWORTHY* -- Boundaries AUDIO NOW AVAILABLE for EVERYONE - not just coaches. NO MATTER WHAT, check the WEBSITE.
P.S. If you enjoyed this issue, I'd love it if you'd spread the word. Do so by forwarding this to a friend and inviting them to subscribe at the Life's Little Lessons link. Thank you for continuing to read Life's Little Lessons TO READ PAST ISSUES Past Issues
Any relationship conflicts you want to discuss: family? friend? co-worker? boss? employee? Take advantage of a 30-minute complimentary phone "RELATIONSHIP MAKEOVER" discussion around any area of your life where you are feeling challenged.
**What are Boundaries, Anyway?** AUDIO NOW AVAILABLE! RARE Opportunity for this topic!
Do you ever feel like you say yes when you mean no?
Do you fear confrontation?
Stay in unhappy relationships?
Put other people ahead of you?
Feel frustrated, resentful, taken advantage of?
Boundaries teach people how to treat us - what we will /will not tolerate. (see website link below for details)
This 3 hour class was DESGINED FOR EVERYONE and anyone - for yourself, your friends, family, or your clients. "Understanding and Setting Boundaries"
Audio is available on your computer or MP3 downloadable. "Understanding and Setting Boundaries"
Here's what one participant had to say about the classes: I admit I was a little skeptical. After all, I've been through the whole boundaries and co-dependency counseling thing. At my age, I was sure that my boundaries were in place, secure, and well defended. So imagine my surprise when Marion said one thing, during the first session, that hit me hard. Right in the chest. I'll never be the same - it had that much impact on me.
--Boundaries are THE number one problem in relationships.
I have a great deal of knowledge and material and have helped many people resolve struggles in their relationships.
This is an opportunity to help you or someone else feel freedom in relationships.
NO MATTER WHAT, check the WEBSITE to see if it is appropriate for you or someone you know!
**Laser Coaching Program**
NOW 42 ICF CREDITS TOWARDS CERTIFICATION as well as 6 per month after 12 weeks for EXPERIENCED COACH and NEWER COACH MENTOR PRACTICUM GROUPS (see below)
If you want to become a coach or are calling yourself a coach but deep down questioning your skill level, not feeling overly confident, need a flexible class schedule that fits into your current routine, and not willing to invest a great deal of time and money, then the
"Laser Coach Your Way to Sustainable Success" a 12-week program may be a great choice for you.
The program is limited to 5 people at a time for HIGHLY individualized and customized attention and has been very affordably priced so that it's easy to say 'yes.' For lots of details and TONS of testimonials (with a similar theme... gained confidence; great value), visit the website:
Laser Coaching Program.
ICF Pre-Approved credit towards certification - 42 CCEUs available.
Next group: SEPTEMBER, 2008. May sold out two months ahead with a waiting list. As distant as it may seem, RESEVRVE NOW so that you don't get closed out.
Coach
With Confidence! -- Practicum Mentor Group**
6 ICF Core Competencies CEU's for every month of attendance
*N E W GROUP* -- EXPERIENCED COACH MENTOR GROUP - ACC, PCC, or MCC or formal coach training:
Tuesdays at 3pm - 4:30pm (noon PT)
MASTER coaching skills
JOIN the group and stay for as little as 4 weeks or as long as you like - 6 ICF CEUs per 4 sessions
Newer coaches and/or ACC, PCC (working towards or RENEWAL): Wednesdays at 8:30pm ET (5:30pm PT)
Ways to build your confidence and coaching skills:
Maximum 10 participants
-*-Want a place to share your client challenges and ask questions?
-*-Feeling a bit insecure about your coaching?
-*-Need a safe place to practice and get supervision?
-*-Want to keep deepen and lengthen client relationships?
Contact me or click this link for details.
**FREEBIE** Top 10 Ways to Know If You Are Getting Great Value From Your Coach
An easy to follow
step-by-step guide that ensures success even if you've never done a
workshop before.
Please check out:
"http://www.successfulworkshops.com"
The book has been written with the
"I'm not sure where to begin, How do I time it?, It's too daunting" person in mind and definitely includes plenty of examples, tips, and tricks for experienced workshop
presenters as well. All you have to do is plug in your topic (or one of the 3 topics from the book) and follow the seven steps and you will be ready to go.