Honesty is when you tell the truth about what you know or feel. However, Truth requires a certain awareness of it, beyond just being honest. Honesty is about you; truth is about Truth. This is a subtle one. Thomas J. Leonard, Founder of Coaching
No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one is true. Nathaniel Hawthorne (The Scarlet Letter)
More often than not, our tendency is to be honest but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we are telling the truth. How does that make sense?
Frequently we say something like “I can’t make the meeting because I have a doctor’s appointment.” The reason is honest, but the truth might be “I don’t want to make it.” While it’s not always necessary to share the truth, by becoming more aware of it, a feeling of freedom is created. We raise our level of consciousness and honor ourselves. We get to know ourselves better, and therefore, have a better chance of getting what we really want.
Example: When a woman seeks an expert for weight loss and claims that she wants to return to a smaller size because she felt healthier, this is usually honest. Yet, the real truth is that she suspects that her husband is cheating and believes her strategy of getting thin will repair the relationship. Recognizing the truth would change her approach and how she shows up. From experience, we know that denying the truth leads to feeling badly about ourselves. Thus, when you acknowledge the deepest truth, your actions are in alignment with who you really are. More importantly, you get what you really want.
The choices we make directly affect our present reality. The cliché: “The truth will set you free” – when we uncover the ‘truth’ versus a socially accepted response, it can liberate us from pain and suffering.
Often people think that it’s easier to make up a story rather than tell the truth. We believe that the truth will be scorned, generate judgment, and/or lead to perceived confrontation.
Recognizing the truth is a way to take responsibility for our actions and our choices. Recently, I was contemplating a collaboration. Shortly thereafter, I decided against it. When I shared my decision, she was surprised and responded with blame and accused me of taking the easy way out. In truth, she was disappointed and hurt. My decision was solidly grounded, but unaware of her truth, she chose blame rather than acknowledging her disappointment.
Too often, we want to blame or deny rather than take ownership of our part. Unfortunately, then we use unnecessary energy and drain ourselves on a subtle level. By not taking responsibility for our experience, we diminish our self-esteem. Instead of respecting and honoring ourselves, we downplay our importance.
Truth is found by delving inside THIS moment – that which is actually occurring.
When we resist WHAT IS, we forget who we are. Instead of allowing our true being to shine, we hide in shame, guilt, fear and blame, which keeps us small, separate, and lonely.
A client claimed that she would like to be in a live-in relationship so she can share her rent and expenses. That may be true. However, the real truth is that she is lonely and would relish companionship. Without that admission, she will likely not get her deeper need met. By not acknowledging her truth, her actions will not likely align with the results she wants.
Truth means seeing things as they are, no additions, no adjustments, just plain awareness. When our awareness is raised, it leads to our fulfillment.
Each time we retreat because we can’t tolerate feeling the full depth of our experience, another layer is masking reality. When we shut down and deny the discomfort, we avoid looking at life directly.
Eventually, the lies we create to cushion the bare truth of our suffering build a wall that distances us from life itself. By crafting a story, we limit our experience and life feels like a struggle.
Opening to life means being truthful to yourself about how you really feel. Only by admitting the depth of your suffering can you move beyond it. The more you open to life, the deeper your experience and the closer you get to the truth of who you are.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
When you find yourself wanting to make a change or blaming someone, be willing to look at the deeper truth.
--What is the ‘real’ reason for your desire or behavior?
--Do you think that your reason will avoid a perceived conflict?
--Solve an ongoing problem?
When we get to know ourselves in the true sense, we are empowered to take appropriate actions, end our misery, and show up as genuine.
Resource: http://www.eolife.org -- Amoda Maa Jeevan
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-08. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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