I don't know what percentage of people believe in New Year resolutions. Personally, I do not.
Statistics claim that the majority of resolutions go by the wayside within the month of January. While I believe that people have good intentions and really WANT things to change, the commitment is short lived.
Instead of writing about the significance or unimportance of resolutions and promises, this issue departs from the usual format of one main theme and is devoted to reflection. That is, looking back at this year's Life's Little Lessons topics and ascertaining whether or not:
- we have learned from them;
- still need to revisit them;
- already have them in place;
- have completely forgotten them :-)
- or simply want to consider what makes sense to incorporate into our busy lives.
To read the full topic, simply click on the heading or go to: home.ezezine.com/23_2 and read other past issues. (They are listed in ascending date order.)
Just Listen Listening is about giving your undivided attention and focus entirely to another person. It is about listening with the mind AND heart. It is clean, objective and ego free. It integrates an attitude of curiosity; a desire to understand. Notice in your conversations whether you are hearing someone vs. listening. It may mean stopping what you are doing to offer your undivided attention and letting go of your thoughts or ideas.
Strategies Usually, we don't consciously create strategies; they stem from some underlying thinking process. If strategies are created to avoid, escape, compensate, or distract, they will only reinforce what you already have/ or contribute further to your not having. Instead of being honest with ourselves, we create a strategy to justify our behavior. Strategies help us cope and 'get by' without having to confront our deepest beliefs.
Attitude of Gratitude When was the last time you acknowledged how happy you were that you could walk or see. We just need to wonder what we can be grateful for instead of perpetuating feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Changing the attitude from one of disappointment to one of gratitude can open us to possibility and totally shift the meaning behind the experience
Red Flags Often, we have warning signs and we choose to ignore them, or at best acknowledge them and still proceed as planned. They are constantly present -revealing something or pointing something out. Because we are rushing, relying on our intentions or impulses, or not present, we choose (sometimes subconsciously) to ignore the signals. There is always a price to pay. When a red flag (or warning) shows up, we can make a conscious decision in that moment.
No Regrets When it comes to regrets, they are strictly based on the past, i.e.: could have done but didn't, 'missed opportunities', so-called 'wrong choices.' Dwelling on regrets doesn't change anything and often makes us feel worse. Carrying guilt is draining and unproductive. When we let go of our past - especially regrets - it allows us to live freely without being bogged down by guilt, blame, shame, etc.
Assumptions Usually, we 'assume' what someone means or feels based on how we might feel in that situation. We interpret statements through our filters. The main reason communication breaks down is our misinterpretation. When left with negative feelings, it's useful to question whether we are assuming something or have evidence. The problem with assumptions is that they set us up for miscommunication, disappointment, or unrealistic thinking.
Victim - Woe is Me When we do things expecting something in return - gratitude, recognition, payment, and it doesn't happen, we feel like a victim of circumstance. The problem with the 'victim' mentality is that it is perceived as though there are no choices and no need to accept responsibility for the outcome. We get locked into 'this is how it is.' While we always have choices and may not like the alternatives, they do exist.
Mirror, Mirror 2 - Who Do I See?/ Mirror, Mirror 1 Just as a physical mirror serves as the vehicle to reflection, so do all of the people in our lives. Frequently, when we dislike qualities in other people, it's usually the mirror that's speaking to us. As you encounter people, see if you can figure out what part of you is being reflected. Although we don't want to believe it - and it's not easy or desirable to look further - it can be a great learning lesson to figure out what part of the person is being reflected in you.
Shoulds When we use the word 'should' instead of coming from our true self, it comes from another source - i.e. society, ego, our history. In many conflicts and dilemmas, we feel stress from a spoken or unspoken should and somehow obliged. Imagine substituting the word CHOOSE for should. It becomes your choice not influenced by anyone or anything. Despite unpalatable alternatives, there is always a choice vs. an imposed command.
In Your Shoes When someone does or says something that we don't agree with or have not experienced, our tendency is to shrug it off, lose patience, or not bother to understand another viewpoint. We become dismissive or intolerant rather than curious and interested. We get wrapped up in our own experiences and ideas and believe that others must have the same ones. People don't necessarily experience things the same way that we do.
The Rules Our point of view regarding rules can limit our freedom to choose, affect our actions, and dramatically alter how we live. When the tendency is to accept the rules as 'all knowing' with no deviations, we could get caught up in forgetting what's really important. Conversely, for those that tend to ignore the rules, damage or harm can occur. Empowerment comes from mastering the middle ground and discerning each time whether the rule is valid.
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-07. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
*N E W* -- 2-time Telephone class for EVERYONE - not just coaches, not just clients - What are Boundaries, Anyway? See below for details but hurry because it's in January and filling up quickly. NO MATTER WHAT, check the WEBSITE to see if it is appropriate for you or someone you know!
P.S. If you enjoyed this issue, I'd love it if you'd spread the word. Do so by forwarding this to a friend and inviting them to subscribe at the Life's Little Lessons link. Thank you for continuing to read Life's Little Lessons TO READ PAST ISSUES Past Issues
Any relationship conflicts you want to discuss: family? friend? co-worker? boss? employee? Take advantage of a 30-minute complimentary phone discussion around any area of your life where you are feeling challenged.
**What are Boundaries, Anyway?** RARE Opportunity for this topic!
Do you ever feel like you say yes when you mean no?
Do you fear confrontation?
Stay in unhappy relationships?
Put other people ahead of you?
Feel frustrated, resentful, taken advantage of?
Boundaries teach people how to treat us - what we will /will not tolerate. (see website link below for details)
This 2-time telephone class is DESGINED FOR EVERYONE and anyone - for yourself, your friends, family, or your clients. "Understanding and Setting Boundaries" A 2-time 90 minute phone class or purchase the audio only if you can’t make it.
January 8 and January 15 from 3pm - 4:30pm ET. (3 hours total) Can’t make it? Audio only available (on your computer or MP3 downloadable). "Understanding and Setting Boundaries"
Most likely, this will be the only time in 2008 that the class will be offered.
Why am I teaching this class?
--Because boundaries are THE number one problem in relationships.
--Because I have a great deal of knowledge and material and have helped many people resolve struggles in their relationships.
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NO MATTER WHAT, check the WEBSITE to see if it is appropriate for you or someone you know!
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