Every person has free choice. Free to obey or disobey the Natural Laws. Your choice determines the consequences. Nobody ever did, or ever will, escape the consequences of his choices. Alfred A. Montapert
Some of us embrace and welcome rules. They create a feeling of safety and order. For others, they are annoying and ignored. They are a nuisance, feel confining, and seem irrelevant. Yet, rules, by nature, are neutral.
Our point of view regarding rules can limit our freedom to choose, affect our actions, and dramatically alter how we live.
--If we view a rule as irritating or not applicable, we tend to react accordingly without thinking about alternatives.
--If we view a rule as safe and nurturing, we might accept it without questioning whether or not it is in our best interest.
What is it about rules that guides us to be submissive or rebellious?
Person A was assigned a middle seat in the airplane. After boarding and then taking off, the adjacent aisle seat remained empty. Yet, she felt compelled to remain in the middle seat because that was her ‘assigned’ seat.
Person B, on the other hand, might have immediately occupied the empty seat while continuing to hope that no one was still coming to claim it.
Many of us tend to operate from one extreme or the other. Finding the middle ground can be most beneficial.
When we get a new appliance – some people read the manual carefully ahead of time and get a clear understanding of how something operates. Other people just plow ahead and begin to figure things out without referring to the manual.
When the tendency is to accept the rules as ‘all knowing’ with no deviations, we could get caught up in forgetting what is really important. We reach a point of being totally beholden with no flexibility.
On the other hand, for those that tend to ignore the rules, damage or harm can occur.
Whether we buy into or dismiss the rules, we act as if we have no choice. Ultimately, we want to be proactive and have a say in how things occur and turn out. It is energy draining and isolating when we operate at one extreme or the other. Empowerment comes from mastering the middle ground and discerning in each instance whether the rule is valid. We want to look at each situation and choose accordingly – rather than submit or reject automatically.
When we make conscious decisions, we are proactive and make appropriate choices for the situation at hand. When we simply react (no rules, all rules), either we believe we are victims (poor me stuck in the middle seat) or totally in charge (the rules don’t apply). These are automatic responses - not powerful choices.
When rules exist for obvious safety reasons, there’s really nothing to question. However, when rules are self-imposed or imagined, it behooves us to be cognizant of our choices and the possible consequences.
Often, we feel powerless regarding the rules, or we think we are ‘above’ them and they don’t apply to us.
A client told me how much she disliked her boss because she told her exactly how she wanted things done and my client didn’t necessarily agree. When I inquired if her boss had, instead, offered a suggestion of how it could be done rather than insisting upon it, would that have made a difference? The answer: Yes. She explained that given a choice she may have felt open to her boss’s way of doing things.
In essence, she automatically rebelled against what seemed to her like a ‘rule.’ She wasn’t opposed in principle; she was opposed to what felt like a demand. Frequently, we confuse HOW a message is delivered with the content of the message. Just imagine separating HOW something is requested from WHAT is requested. For those that typically oppose rules, this can dramatically shift the results.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
After assessing whether you tend to follow or dismiss rules, look at instances where you believed there was no choice.
The next time something seems like it’s imposed, think about alternatives and/or HOW the message is being delivered. Perhaps this will lead to different choices.
For those that adhere to and follow every rule, you could question whether or not the rule truly supports your best interest and what is optimum for the current situation, rather than believing there is no choice.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
(c) 2004-07. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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