When celebrating my 60th birthday this month, I took the opportunity to reflect on the past year and more. In fact, I often go back to my 'reflection list' from my 50th birthday. That consisted of three segments: Things I want to leave behind (i.e. victim role, not admitting when I need assistance), Things I want to keep (i.e. loyalty, determination, optimism), and Things I want more of (i.e. setting good boundaries, tolerance, inner peace). To make this birthday special, I traveled with a few friends to St. Maarten and kept wondering what lessons I was learning and what would make a good newsletter topic.
What continuously showed up was the topic of mirrors… the wonderful experiences and camaraderie as well as the behaviors that bothered me. So rather than create a new newsletter, I am sending this very early issue (June, 2004) as a reminder for all of us. While I could add many new examples, I don't think they would make the concept more distinct. If you remember this issue, perhaps it would be a good time to reflect on recent situations that may apply.
......................
A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror. -Ken Keys
Mirrors have a very particular function. They reflect the image in front of them. Just as a physical mirror serves as the vehicle to reflection, so do all of the people in our lives.
When we see something beautiful such as a flower garden, that garden serves as a reflection. In order to see the beauty in front of us, we must be able to see the beauty inside of ourselves. When we love someone, it is a reflection of loving ourselves. We have often heard things like "I love how I am when I am with that person." That simply translates into I''m able to love me when I love that other person. Oftentimes, when we meet someone new, we feel as though we 'click' – sometimes it's as if we've known each other for a long time. That feeling can come from sharing similarities – i.e. personality, background, history, character traits, etc. We are comfortable because part of ourselves is being reflected.
Just as the 'mirror' or other person can be a positive reflection, it is more likely that we'll notice it when it has a negative connotation. For example, it's easy to remember times when we have met someone we're not particularly crazy about. We may have some criticism in our mind about the person. This is especially true when we get to know someone with whom we would rather spend less time – as opposed to more.
Frequently, when we dislike qualities in other people, ironically, it's usually the mirror that's speaking to us. Example: Several years ago, I joined a friend who had invited several other friends as well. One woman, 'Laura' continuously dominated the conversation. Each time someone tried to interject a thought or start a different thread, Laura always brought it back to her story. It was particularly annoying as I felt there was little opportunity to get to know the other people because Laura consistently put the attention back onto herself. It wasn't until several weeks had passed that I questioned and couldn't understand why was I so disturbed by Laura's behavior as I didn't have to be friends or spend more time with her. Finally, it hit me! When I was REALLY honest with myself, I saw aspects of those same traits in me. I realized that the reason we met each other was for me to hold up the 'mirror' and see myself doing an unfavorable behavior.
So I began questioning myself further each time I encountered someone that I didn't particularly like. Each time, I asked myself "What is it about that person that I don't like?" And then "Is there something similar in me?' In every instance, and sometimes I had to really get very introspective, I could see a piece of that quality in me. So what did that mean?
It means that just as I can get annoyed or disturbed when I notice that aspect in someone else, I better re-examine my qualities and consider making some changes. Even if I'm not willing to make a drastic change, at least I consider how I might modify some of the things that I'm doing.
At times we meet someone new and feel distant, disconnected, or disgusted. Although we may not want to believe it – and it's not easy or desirable to look further – it can be a great learning lesson to figure out what part of the person is being reflected in you. It's simply just another way to create more self-awareness.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
As you encounter people, see if you can figure out what part of you is being reflected. If you notice negative qualities, see if you are willing to look carefully at that part of you. It's an opportunity for you to make a change for the better. At first, it may seem as though there is no connection. Upon further introspection and giving it some time, you may just figure it out.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-07. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
P.S. If you enjoyed this issue, I'd love it if you'd spread the word. Do so by forwarding this to a friend and inviting them to subscribe at the Life's Little Lessons link. Thank you for continuing to read Life's Little Lessons TO READ PAST ISSUES Past Issues
Any relationship conflicts you want to discuss: family? friend? co-worker? boss? employee? Take advantage of a 30-minute complimentary phone discussion around any area of your life where you are feeling challenged.
**Laser Coaching Program**
NOW 42 ICF CREDITS TOWARDS CERTIFICATION as well as 6 per month for EXPERIENCED COACH and NEWER COACH MENTOR PRACTICUM GROUPS (see below)
If you want to become a coach or are calling yourself a coach but deep down questioning your skill level, not feeling overly confident, need a flexible class schedule that fits into your current routine, and not willing to invest a great deal of time and money, then the
"Laser Coach Your Way to Sustainable Success" a 12-week program may be a great choice for you.
The program is limited to 5 people at a time for HIGHLY individualized and customized attention and has been very affordably priced so that it's easy to say 'yes.' For lots of details and TONS of testimonials (with a similar theme... gained confidence; great value), visit the website:
Laser Coaching Program.
ICF Pre-Approved credit towards certification - 42 CCEUs available.
Next group: OCTOBER - ONE SPOT LEFT! . The January, April, and July groups sold out! Reserve for October NOW so you are not closed out.
Coach
With Confidence! -- Practicum Mentor Group**
6 ICF Core Competencies CEU's for every month of attendance
*N E W* -- EXPERIENCED COACH MENTOR GROUP - ACC, PCC, or MCC or formal coach training:
Tuesdays at 3pm - 4:30pm (noon PT)
MASTER coaching skills
JOIN the group and stay for as little as 4 weeks or as long as you like - 6 ICF CEUs per 4 sessions
Newer coaches: Wednesdays at 8:30pm ET (5:30pm PT)
Ways to build your confidence and coaching skills:
Maximum 10 participants
-*-Want a place to share your client challenges and ask questions?
-*-Feeling a bit insecure about your coaching?
-*-Need a safe place to practice and get supervision?
-*-Want to keep deepen and lengthen client relationships?
Contact me or click this link for details.
**FREEBIE** Top 10 Ways to Know If You Are Getting Great Value From Your Coach
I have recently purchased (and LOVE) a Plantronics cordless/wireless headset that has a 300 ft. range (all over your house/office as opposed to a 30 ft. bluetooth range). It has a mute button, noise filter, and volume control. BEST OF ALL, it has a remote answer and hang up call feature. Very lighweight headset or over ear options. Good customer service. They are selling remote and headset for $323. However, through my contact, your cost would be $239. You must mention "Life Coach Marion Franklin" to get that price. (Depending upon the number of sales, the most I stand to gain is a complimentary headset – no monies in any event.) To see the model CS55 Wireless Office Headset System with Lifter, go to Plantronics Headsets If you want one (or 2 :-)) contact: rbigelow@workmain.com and include your phone number. Or call Dick Bigelow 877-377-4321 x 6465. All orders must be placed by phone.
An easy to follow
step-by-step guide that ensures success even if you've never done a
workshop before.
Please check out:
"http://www.successfulworkshops.com"
The book has been written with the
"I'm not sure where to begin, How do I time it?, It's too daunting" person in mind and definitely includes plenty of examples, tips, and tricks for experienced workshop
presenters as well. All you have to do is plug in your topic (or one of the 3 topics from the book) and follow the seven steps and you will be ready to go.