When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
Although at first I heard some grumbling at a gathering of friends and family, I suggested that each of us go around the table and say something for which we are grateful and thankful.
It is not uncommon to hear people say things like: "I'm grateful for this meal or I'm grateful for my friends (or family)." It wasn't until I heard "I'm grateful to wake up each morning and to be able to walk" that I realized just how much we tend to take for granted. When was the last time you acknowledged how happy you were that you could walk, or see, or that you felt well enough to work – no matter what had to be accomplished.
What happens when you have a cold and have trouble breathing? Suddenly breathing isn't taken for granted. Notice how we tend to take for granted getting up each day, brushing our teeth and taking a shower. BUT when the ordinary becomes difficult, it's amazing how quickly the perspective can change.
When we put things into perspective, and develop an attitude of gratitude, we have the ability to appreciate and distinguish between what is REALLY important vs. what seems to be important.
Too often we focus on things that are not going well. We tend to get caught up in the overload of everyday life. . . Too much on the plate, too much to accomplish, too many distractions.
While we might consider making a list of what we are grateful for, it would also behoove us to look at why bother focusing on gratitude in the first place.
Sometimes, simply flipping around a thought or idea has a powerful impact of shifting a mood. If I'm focused on my busy day, how many e-mails need a response, how many calls to make/ receive – it's overwhelming. If instead the focus shifts: It is great to have e-mail to stay in touch. Thank you Alexander Graham Bell for inventing the telephone so that we can connect quickly to friends and family. Immediately, the overwhelm dissipates and turns that feeling of anxiety into one of possibility and calm.
A client was laid off from her job. Her initial reaction was fear and disappointment. Why me? How will I survive? Once she acknowledged that she had been unhappy in the job, she realized that she would not have taken the initiative to leave. She then saw this as a blessing, an opportunity and the impetus to make a change. Soon after she found a wonderful job.
One client who was looking for an apartment finally found one that met all of his criteria. He was told that he could have it but had to move in within two weeks. That wasn't a possibility. Despite his tremendous disappointment, he was thankful when he realized that something suitable existed, that he could afford something he liked, and that moving was a wish not a necessity. A short time later he found an even better one.
When 'bad' things happen, our typical first reaction is 'why me?' or a version thereof. We get focused on the implications of not having, not doing, etc. What if instead, for example, we focused on "This means I need more rest, it's time for me to move on, or without this experience, I wouldn't be as aware of what brings me pleasure/ pain."
Challenges are often blessings in disguise. We just need to stop and wonder what we can be grateful for instead of perpetuating feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. When we are grateful, it changes our perspective – of our day, of our situation, and of our life.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
Think of something that recently happened that you wish had not or when you wanted a different outcome. How could you turn that around to what is the 'good' in the situation. It seems simplistic and when in despair or disappointment, the last thing we want to do is look at the bright side. This goes beyond that. This is about noticing or anticipating in that disappointment how a difficult situation may be an opportunity.
Changing the attitude from one of disappointment to one of gratitude can open us to possibility and totally shift the meaning behind the experience.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
**NOTE: Laser Coaching Program now 42 CEU's and Mentor Group 6 CEUs per month - See below
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Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-07. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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