www.LifeCoachingGroup.com: Life's Little Lessons

Although I usually write about a theme based on my or my client's experiences, this month I'm sharing a story about compassion as a gift to you. The story that you are about to read following my words is one of my favorites and always serves as a great reminder – especially at this time of year.

By definition, compassion is about forgiveness, tenderness, heart, and kindness. It is a sympathetic consciousness of other peoples' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

So often, it is too easy to take so much for granted.

If we look around –not just at the people who live in our neighborhood – but at the world as a whole, we are exposed to millions of people who are less fortunate in some way than we are. It does not have to mean materialistically or the obvious example of the homeless. Misfortune can be due to illness, trauma, living in constant fear, imprisonment, prejudice, sorrow, remorse, etc.

When we notice or think about those who are less fortunate, the tendency is to think in terms of 'them' not me. Sometimes we get to "Poor Sally, she must be sad having just lost her sister." Or "I just heard that Bob has cancer and isn't doing well." Then in an instant, we are back to our everyday thoughts and stresses and get caught up in what is happening in our own busy lives.

Imagine what it would be like to actually DO SOMETHING or SAY SOMETHING to let people know that we empathize; we understand they are going through a difficult time. Perhaps it is just about being aware that someone has an illness and may be struggling at times. When someone else is suffering in some way, we can demonstrate compassion. The question we may want to ask ourselves "What can I (sincerely, genuinely) do to help or be of service to this person?" This isn't about reaching out because it's a 'good' thing to do. It is about really getting into another person's shoes. It can be as simple as a kind word or just truly listening.

Recently, I heard a client say "I had no idea how difficult it is to be in a wheelchair until I broke my leg and ankle and had to get around in one." Another client said "I could never imagine living alone until now when I am in that exact situation." Oftentimes, it takes an experience to wake us up and to realize what hardship feels like.

Hopefully, we can begin to exhibit compassion BEFORE we need to experience what someone else is going through. By taking a few moments to 'get into someone else's shoes' and while we can't really know how anyone else feels about something, at least we can come a lot closer than when we simply observe and imagine.

Here's the story that immediately spoke to me ….

The Chess Game Zen

A young man who had a bitter disappointment in life went to a remote monastery and said to the abbot: "I am disillusioned with life and wish to be enlightened and freed from these sufferings. But I have no capacity for sticking with anything for a long time. I could never do long years of meditation and study. I always relapse and get drawn away by distractions, no matter how painful that may be. Is there any easy way for people like me?

The abbot replies "Yes, if you are really determined." Tell me, what have you studied, what have you concentrated on most in your life? "Why, nothing really," he replies. "We were rich, and I didn't have to work. I suppose the only thing I was really interested in was chess. I spent most of my time at that."

The abbot then summoned for a monk and a chessboard. The game was set up for them to play against each other. He then sent for a sword and showed it to both of them. Both of you will play a game of chess and whoever loses, shall have his head cut off with this sword. Since chess is the only thing this young man has ever tried hard at, if he loses, he deserves to lose his head."

They began to play. With the opening moves, the youth felt nervous as he played for his life. The chessboard became the whole world; he was entirely concentrated on it. At first, he wasn't doing so well in the game, but then his opponent made an inferior move and he seized his chance to launch a strong attack. He looked covertly at his opponent as his chances of winning looked slimmer. He saw a face of intelligence and sincerity, worn with years of austerity and effort. He though of his own worthless life, and a wave of compassion came over him. He deliberately made a blunder and then another, ruining his position and leaving himself defenseless.

The abbot suddenly leaned forward and stopped the game. He said, "There is no winner and no loser. There is no head to fall here. Only two things are required as he turned to the young man, complete concentration and compassion. You have learned both of these today. You were completely concentrating on the game, but then in that concentration you could feel compassion and sacrificed your life for it. Now you may remain here and pursue our training."

INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT
Simply look around. Really look at the people in the street, the people in the news, the movie stars, etc. On the outside, their lives may appear easy or smooth. In an instant, anyone's life can be transformed – by a phone call, a diagnosis, an accident, etc. More often than not, people are suffering silently because life around them moves on.

Listen to people and instead of judging and guessing how their life is, imagine being in their shoes. The glamour that you thought was there quickly disappears. In some cases, the hardships are showing on their faces. Imagine what it must be like to live in their world, in their situation. Have compassion. No matter how complicated or difficult your life may seem, there are always people who would be grateful if someone would take a moment to understand things from their perspective. By doing that, compassion comes naturally.

If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!

ALSO - PLEASE SEND ANY TOPIC SUGGESTIONS FOR UPCOMING NEWSLETTERS!

Very best regards,

marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-06. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com

P.S. If you enjoyed this issue, I'd love it if you'd spread the word. Do so by forwarding this to a friend and inviting them to subscribe at the Life's Little Lessons link. Thank you for continuing to read Life's Little Lessons

Any relationship conflicts you want to discuss: family? friend? co-worker? boss? employee? Take advantage of a 30-minute complimentary phone discussion around any area of your life where you are feeling challenged.

UPCOMING and ONGOING Programs -

**C O A C H I N G P R O G R A M**
NOW ICF ACCREDITED TOWARDS CERTIFICATION
If you want to become a coach or are calling yourself a coach but deep down questioning your skill level, not feeling overly confident, need a flexible class schedule that fits into your current routine, and not willing to invest a great deal of time and money, then the
"Laser Coach Your Way to Sustainable Success" a 12-week program may be a great choice for you.
The program is limited to 4 people at a time for HIGHLY individualized and customized attention and has been very affordably priced so that it's easy to say 'yes.' For lots of details and TONS of testimonials (with a similar theme... gained confidence; great value), visit the website: Laser Coaching Program.
ICF Pre-Approved Continuing Coaching Education (36 CCEUs) available.
Next group starting in APRIL. January sold out. Make a reservation! NOW so you are not closed out.

Coach With Confidence! -- Practicum Mentor Group
Ways to build your confidence and coaching skills:
JOIN the group at any time and stay for as little as 4 weeks or as long as you like - ICF CEU's available

Wednesdays at 8:30pm ET (5:30pm PT)
Maximum 8 participants
ICF Core Competencies CEU's available
-*-Want a place to share your client challenges and ask questions?
-*-Feeling a bit insecure about your coaching?
-*-Need a safe place to practice and get supervision?
-*-Want to keep deepen and lengthen client relationships?
Contact me or click this link for details.

**FREEBIE**
Top 10 Ways to Know If You Are Getting Great Value From Your Coach

Workshops E-Book Alone or NEW OPTION: Book PLUS 5-hour RealAudio of Workshop Class based on the book.

An easy to follow step-by-step guide that ensures success even if you've never done a workshop before.

Please check out: "http://www.successfulworkshops.com"
The book has been written with the "I'm not sure where to begin, How do I time it?, It's too daunting" person in mind and definitely includes plenty of examples, tips, and tricks for experienced workshop presenters as well. All you have to do is plug in your topic (or one of the 3 topics from the book) and follow the seven steps and you will be ready to go.