What allows our minds to think things such as:
- "We just had a big argument, and now she’s probably going to leave me."
- "I think that my boss isn't pleased with my performance – this could mean I will lose my job."
- "My doctor hasn’t called back as promised. She's postponing giving me the bad news."
- "I can’t possibly learn html programming. It's much too complicated."
Recently, a client was telling me that despite all of her efforts and amazingly brilliant ideas, nothing much was getting accomplished. She had some really ingenious ideas about inventions, about expanding her business, and about getting organized. Yet, despite her efforts, nothing much was happening. She claimed that she really wants nothing more than to be a successful entrepreneur.
So I got curious as to what 'story' she had invented in her mind that created this discrepancy between what she wants and what is showing up. I questioned "What are the traits and characteristics that come to mind when you think of someone who is successful?" Without exaggeration, here's the answer I received:
Successful people are: greedy, selfish, egotistical, arrogant, subject to tantrums, and at times they exhibit awful behavior.
With that mindset, what are the chances that someone could become successful?
It's amazing how many things we make up and how many ideas are floating around in our minds that prevent us from just being with 'what is.' The bad news is that we are unaware of our hidden ideas and beliefs. The good news is that we can uncover those unconscious negative thoughts and dispel them one at a time.
For every conflict that we encounter, there is a seemingly very real idea behind it that keeps the conflict in place.
Once we begin to determine and differentiate between the facts and the perceived ideas, we can quickly see that our 'stories' usually stem out of our fears of what we believe may result:
--If we argue, it means the relationship will end;
--If I choose that, then I'll lose this;
--If I succeed, I won't have time for fun;
--If I try, I will probably fail, etc.
In the case of the client with the negative list around success, we might ask:
- "Is that really true for every successful person?"
- "How are your ideas about successful people serving you?"
- "What would it be like if you didn't believe that successful people only have negative traits?"
Is it possible that a successful person can be generous?
Is it possible that he/she is capable of genuinely caring about his/her employees? etc.
Is it possible that you could learn a new program even though it appears to be difficult?
Is it possible that the relationship is better than ever and disagreements happen because we want to be right about something?
Once our minds are even remotely open to alternative possibilities, we begin to move towards our goals and vision. It's all about removing or dispelling the 'story' that we have going on that stands in our way of what we want and what we currently believe.
INVITIATION TO EXPERIMENT:
- What do you want that you don't have? Do you have a 'story' behind your thinking? What would it look like if you dropped your story?
- What thoughts come to mind as soon as soon as something goes slightly awry or is difficult to tackle? Do you go straight to the 'doom' place? What if you invented a new story that has a positive outcome?
If the answer is 'yes, but...' then you are already on your way to dispelling your 'story.' Even if you open your mind just a slight bit to a 'maybe,' your 'story' loses power, and you are on your way to making significant strides towards achieving your vision.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-06. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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