Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends. Mary Catherwood
Life is full of ups and downs. There are times when things seem so simple and effortless and then there are those times when it seems difficult, unfair, and overwhelming. No matter how it’s occurring, it’s so easy to lose perspective.
Recently, I attended my high school reunion (okay – my 40th!). Aside from the fact that it absolutely does not seem possible that so much time has passed, it was fascinating when I had to reflect and write a statement (for a booklet for attendees) about my life since that time. My first question: How do I sum up the last four decades and what’s really important? I thought about writing how I got a Master’s Degree, teaching high school, co-founding a publishing company, my corporate work, coaching, etc. I also gave thought to including marrying someone who graduated from the same school, divorce, and my grown children. I wondered about including information about activities that I enjoy, places I’ve been, and where I’m living now.
In the end, I wrote the blurb focusing on the present with mention of my past careers and my family – as it is now. It wasn’t until I was actually in the room meeting people that I hadn’t seen in all those years that I realized what really mattered. Almost every conversation began with a memory or story from high school, and with many people, the conversation ended in that same place. There was, however, one friend that I had been very close to that I was especially glad to see. We got into conversation and the connection that we had in the past was now in the present. We actually had tears in our eyes as we spoke about our lives and how we felt about things now and what we had eagerly anticipated so long ago. It was in that moment of sharing that I realized how little else mattered. It was in the profound connection with someone else that so many of the usual distractions seemed to disappear.
Some of us are fortunate enough to have friends that transcend time. No matter how often or how rarely we speak, it always feels as if we haven’t missed a moment in time.
Connecting with other human beings at a deep level is not something we do easily nor do we believe the opportunity arises frequently. So what is it that allows a deep connection to occur?
In the moments that I felt truly connected to my high school friend, and all of the roles that we played over the years had no bearing on how we listened and shared with each other. In general, we tend to think that the roles we play, the cars we drive, where/how we live, our work are the things that characterize us. All of these things mask the ‘real and true’ self. We are much more than our roles. If we change careers or our children grow up and no longer need us in the same way, it doesn’t change who we are as a person.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
Think about the ways that you define yourself – and other people. How can you describe yourself or someone else without mentioning their work, where they live, etc. What are their personal qualities that make them special? I encourage you to see yourself and those around you in a new way – dropping categories and labels, and not focusing on the roles, even though they may create the initial connection. Occasionally, the connection is profound, and if so, notice how those roles have no bearing. Notice how all of the daily distractions do not interfere with your listening and the connection.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-05. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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