Let’s consider the following statement: James loves Robert.
When you read that, what comes to mind?
Do you think James and Robert are a couple? Do you think they are long-time friends? Perhaps you think they are father and son? Brothers? What makes the difference in how we view such a simple statement?
Circumstances are events that happen or take place. We may have no control over them once they have taken place. HOWEVER, we do have complete control as to how we tackle them and how we view them. Each person’s POINT OF VIEW (P.O.V.) makes the difference as to how uniquely the same circumstances are confronted. A P.O.V. is not necessarily right or wrong but rather a way in which we choose to perceive circumstances.
One of my friends was diagnosed with cancer. After coming to terms with the fact that she had a serious illness with a poor prognosis, she made a conscious decision to follow only alternative routes to combat the disease rather than to try anything traditional. She also decided to live every day to the fullest and believe that each day would be important and meaningful. Subsequently, she passed away, and aside from the obvious, I had such a hard time understanding why she chose only alternative medicine. It took some time for me to realize that she made her choices and decisions based on her P.O.V. – not necessarily what I would have chosen. Another person may have elected only traditional medicine, and another may have decided not to bother doing anything based on the prognosis. The end result may have been the same no matter what – something we will never know. Yet, the most important aspect is that she did what she believed was right for her quality of life. Upon this realization, my P.O.V. changed.
A client was relating a story to me about having loaned money to his girlfriend who also borrowed money from several other friends. She told him that at the very first opportunity, he would be paid back first. His initial thought was that she was going to do that so that she could then get rid of him and end the relationship. He was feeling like a victim of circumstance – poor me, about to be ‘dumped’ and left alone. When I questioned his P.O.V., it came to light that other reasons might make more sense. I asked him if it was possible that she respected and cared about him and wanted to make sure to honor their relationship and assure that the relationship remain in tact. Since there are many ways to view the same situation, another person may have come up with yet another possible reason for getting paid first. While the circumstances didn’t change, his alternate P.O.V. empowered him to feel good about the relationship and himself.
We come to every experience and set of circumstances with different filters, different ideas, and a different history. Our P.O.V. often stems from those differences, but we can easily see how changing a P.O.V. or an attitude can totally shift how we view the same circumstances and at times create a different outcome. We can gain clarity, thereby making it easier to cope with the circumstances, oftentimes in a healthier, more productive manner.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
Examine a current situation that you find challenging, or the next time you are confronted with a difficult situation, take notice of the way in which you are viewing it. More than likely, by stepping back and observing your thoughts, you can find another way to see the same circumstances from a different perspective so that you will feel empowered. Instead of getting locked into one way to view your situation, open up to other possibilities – a different point of view, and you will likely find that the situation will become easier to manage.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-5. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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As usual, we'll start with dictionary definitions and then move FAR away into the provocative conversation.
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