When you hear either/or it’s time to sit up and take notice. That’s a signal that something is missing. Our society has become accustomed to thinking in ways such as: strict or lenient, easy or heard, empty or full, and more recently in the U.S. red states or blue states. In every instance there is something else that’s not being considered. We tend to get tunnel vision and really believe that one way or the other is our only option.
Let’s consider opening up our thinking so that when we hear either/or –- A or B, we know there is a 'C' we haven’t thought about.
In an overly simplistic example, one of my clients, a teacher, was asked by three friends if he would take care of their pets while they vacation over the summer. Loving the idea of some extra money, he was weighing the idea of ‘giving up’ his summer freedom and accepting his friend’s requests or saying no to all of them and enjoying the summer free and clear. Then I asked "what about only accepting one of these job offers and turning the other two down? That way you can get some extra cash but not feel as though you’ve given up your summer freedom. It may seem obvious as you read this, but when it’s our own thinking, we get very stuck in believing there are no alternatives or in the ‘all or nothing’ syndrome.
Recently, I was toying with the idea of expanding one of the courses that I offer. My thinking revolved around the idea that I either expand it and do it together with a colleague or leave it as is. My concerns revolved more around the viability of working with another colleague rather than the expansion itself. It wasn’t until I was coached in a conversation discussing my ‘dilemma’ that I was asked "what about creating a mini series to test out the feasibility of working with someone else and then consider expanding the course?"
Hmmm…. I only saw the either/or. Despite knowing that there’s no such thing, it’s still so easy to get trapped into believing that the way we see something reveals our only options. This concept shows up in subtle ways and we need to wake up and realize that we may not necessarily like some of the options, may not end up choosing them, but more importantly, they always exist!
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
As soon as you need to make a decision or are thinking about doing something or doing it differently and you hear the words ‘either/or’ STOP! Remember that there must be alternatives or other ways to handle or view the circumstances. If nothing else, each time a decision or choice arises, think beyond what comes to mind because there IS something else that more than likely hasn’t been considered.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-5. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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As usual, we'll start with dictionary definitions and then move FAR away into the provocative conversation.