Have you ever noticed how easy it is to justify and excuse things we do or don’t do instead of owning up and taking responsibility? No one wants to be proved wrong and oftentimes we don’t want to face up to our own shortcomings or perhaps poor judgment or poor choices we’ve made.
Recently a friend was telling me that he couldn’t get to his friend’s house before late in the day because he was so rushed and had so many things that had to be done before he could leave. I asked him when he started doing all of those things. Listening to the answer, that was when it occurred to me, it didn’t have to be this way. Had he started his day earlier or had he handled some of the things earlier in the week, he could easily have left and arrived at his friend’s house a lot sooner. While feeling rushed and crunched for time was very real, he couldn’t objectively see that had he made different choices, it would have played out differently. Sometimes, we don’t clearly see in our own situations where we can take responsibility for our choices. It’s so much easier to either place blame on circumstances or simply come up with excuses – which we actually label as reasons why things don’t go according to plan.
Not long ago, it occurred to me that for quite some time, I had not been going to exercise. It’s never been an exact routine for me, but I did set a minimum standard that I was adhering to rather consistently. What was my ‘reason’ for not going? – You guessed it! "I don’t have the time." True, I’ve been very busy with work, proposals, projects, groups, clients, etc. Yet, I truly believed that when looking at my schedule, there really was no time to fit in exercise. It felt justifiable, rational, and very real.
Almost two months ago, my mother fell and needed a tremendous amount of care. She hired someone during the day but felt that she could handle the evenings on her own. Realizing that this was not realistic, I began commuting, almost daily (an hour each way), to help her with dinner and getting ready for bed, etc. Many nights I worked from her house (the joys of being a coach :-) This went on for several weeks. Certainly, I knew that she was a priority, and clearly I knew I was needed.
Upon reflection, I realized what an interesting concept that I was able to make the time to care for her. How odd is this? I spent two hours driving and several hours with her. Obviously, we can see where this is going. While I truly believed I was too busy to find time to exercise, I certainly found time for something else that was way more time consuming.
So I’ve come to realize that as much as we rationalize and believe what we tell ourselves, most likely we are making excuses. It’s easier to justify, pardon, mitigate, vindicate than it is to own up and take responsibility for the choices we are making. More often than not when we are late, it’s not due to the traffic; it’s because we chose not to allow enough time for that possibility.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
Where in your life have you been meaning to do something and just haven’t gotten around to it? I’m sure there are many ‘reasons’ why you haven’t done it yet. When was the last time you arrived late because you didn’t allow enough time? The first step is to acknowledge that you have made a choice not to attend to it – not to start or finish something or not to leave on time. Once you can take responsibility for your action or inaction, then you can make a conscious choice if you will or won’t do something differently next time rather than come up with yet another great excuse.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-5. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
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