So often, before embarking on something we begin by asking questions such as : What’s in it for me? – WIIFM, our favorite radio station :-) What do ‘I’ get out of this? Why should I bother doing that? Usually, without a satisfying answer, we decide not to proceed. Yet, what would it be like to do something, help someone, offer something with absolutely no foreseen advantage, payoff, or compensation?
Many years ago, I remember my daughter telling me that oftentimes she would pay the bridge toll for the car behind her. I thought this was sheer lunacy. She didn’t know the person and had no idea if it would be appreciated. Furthermore, it wasn’t as though she had a lot of money and could afford to give it away on a whim. Years later, I learned that she got the idea from my son and the inspiration had been passed along. I totally did not understand and could not fathom what reasoning could make a random act like this acceptable.
That was until… I realized I had done something of a similar nature and it felt so amazingly rewarding and satisfying. Upon meeting ‘Joe’ at a business networking event, he mentioned the name of his company and gave me a business card that in no way reflected the unique name of his company. At the time, I was a publisher doing typesetting and logos. Within a short time, I created a laser-ready image of a business card with a logo reflecting the company’s name. I placed it in an envelope, wrote a brief note signed only with my first name, and mailed it with no return address. I will never know if it was received and/or appreciated. It wasn’t until many years later when learning about ‘being of service’ that I reflected upon that event and realized just how gratifying it felt despite not knowing anything further.
Recently, a client told me the story of how he prepared to go cross-country skiing and how he took all of his equipment out of his car when a woman asked if he could help her because her car was stuck on some ice and snow and she needed to pick her daughter up at school. . First, he felt some hesitancy, and then he dismissed the mind chatter and became fully devoted to helping this woman. Due to time, he lost his opportunity to ski. He mentioned that he did get a workout, albeit not the one he had initially planned. He told me how that didn’t matter because he knew that he made a difference in someone’s life that day.
Being of service (and/or meeting a need as it arises) despite any outcome we originally intended can only work well once we give up ‘WIIFM’ and what do ‘I’ get out of this? If we focus on the ‘doing’ we'll resent spending our time this way. Service can be a way to affect a difference in the world, open up space in our lives as the feeling of abundance allows us to feel that there is more than enough (time, energy, money) to go around. It may also help to keep us from dwelling on our own problems and get us to focus on something more meaningful.
INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
I invite you to consider some small way you can be of service and try it out. Here are some examples: buy a stranger a cup of coffee (or lunch for the person on line behind you); offer to help someone with a project; pick up an item for a neighbor; offer childcare; bring in food for co-workers; etc. Whether or not it works for you, perhaps you’ll try again or now become aware when someone has served you. No one can tell you whether being of service will be rewarding or feel terrible. Only you can make a choice to be of service in some way and find out for yourself if there is a ‘payoff’ – perhaps in some completely unexpected way.
If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!
Very best regards,
marion@lifecoachinggroup.com
© 2004-5. All rights reserved. Marion Franklin, www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Comments? Feedback? lllfeedback@lifecoachinggroup.com
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