www.LifeCoachingGroup.com: Life's Little Lessons

     What would life be like if we had to suddenly give up our first name? Our home? Our photographs? Some of our friends? What if we could no longer experience the sun shining? Never again hear music playing?

     We may consider some of the above-mentioned items as things we definitely would not want to alter or live without. Are they attachments? If attachment by definition means connection, affinity, loyalty, are we attached to them? And, if so, is there a problem when we are attached to things, ideas, and people? It is said that attachment causes suffering. Could that be true for you?

    "The detachment of the wise man is not detachment from people or situations but from his ideas and attitudes about people or situations."

     Despite our typical thinking, we do not have to ‘detach’ from anything because if we really look closely, we are not actually attached in the first place. It ‘feels’ as though we are, but in reality, we aren’t attached to anything. However, we ARE frequently attached to the ideas and thoughts and then we make the interpretation that we are attached to the actual item, person, or situation.

     For twenty years I lived in my ‘dream’ house built in the 1800’s and extremely special and unique in many ways. Whenever I thought of my life, I only pictured it in that house. It was as if the house ‘belonged’ to me – not in the literal sense, which of course it did, but in the figurative sense. It was as though in some ways I was one with that house, thereby creating an exceptionally strong identification. The idea of living elsewhere seemed out of the question. It felt as though this is a part of who I am. Was there any truth to any of those feelings? Upon examination, I discovered that it was the identification with the house, not the house itself, that was really getting in the way of my moving out.

     Fortunately, one day I was walking in a newly discovered neighborhood where the houses were rather close together. As I passed each house, I wondered who lived there and what life was like inside. I wasn’t curious about the house itself, but I was about the people inside. I thought about how each home housed a different family with different dynamics. It was then that I realized that the physical structure of the house made no difference. It was all about what went on INSIDE that mattered. I could then relate this to ‘my’ house and realized that as long as my family stayed together, it made no difference which roof, which physical structure housed us. It was all about the people, not the structure. That clinched my decision to move to a smaller, more suitable home and thereby, let go of the attachment.

     So often, we are bound up with the ideas and attitudes we have towards something that we so closely identify with them. If, however, we could just imagine all of these ‘things’ as important or meaningful to us and realize they are not a part of who we really are, then if for some reason we had to, we could more easily let go of them.

INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
Off the top of your head, you can probably name at least 10 things that you believe you are ‘attached’ to – things that feel as though they belong to you and make up a part of who you are. After making such a list, examine each item and look at the idea, the attitude or the thinking that allows you to feel attached. Perhaps you can see that you are not really attached to these things and that your life would still go on without them. Imagine the suffering when you feel attached to something and then lose it vs. the freedom when you can let go of the ideas that create the attachment.

If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!

Very best regards,

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