www.LifeCoachingGroup.com: Life's Little Lessons

"Great minds discuss ideas;
        Average minds discuss events;
             Small minds discuss people."
Eleanor Roosevelt

     Occasionally a conversation is memorable and we come away feeling excited, energized with something that was said still lingering in our mind – sometimes even weeks or months later. In fact, we may still be thinking about the exchange long after because in some way, it truly affected our thinking. Other times, we never think about a conversation again unless something specifically triggers a memory or clue about it. What makes the difference?

     At times we only remember the tone or feeling we get during or after a conversation – anger, jubilation, disappointment, satisfaction, annoyance, etc. Sometimes we only remember one statement or a question that was posed. What makes conversations memorable? Do we want them to be memorable? Interestingly, at times we do have a choice. I’m sure you can think of a time when someone made a simple statement or asked a question and that set you off in a whole new direction in your thinking.

     Have you ever noticed how you can have stimulating, thought-provoking conversations with some people and with others, it seems as though it’s more like a very simple chat? The nature of your discussions may vary greatly depending on the types of discussions that appeal to you and with whom you choose to get into conversation. By incorporating Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote into our lives, we can elect to raise the level of a conversation. This means that it is actually up to us to choose the type of conversation we want to participate in.

     Often when I’m with a group of familiar people, I notice that we wind up talking about people that we have in common or the way someone acted, or something about co-workers, etc. The discussion is focused around other people and what they’re doing or how they do something. That doesn’t mean it’s a ‘bad’ conversation, but it is more like gossip. Gossip is defined as: a chatty talk. While we love to chime in and share our thoughts, upon reflection, I’ve found those conversations to be unfulfilling and not particularly memorable or consequential.

     A personal example – Recently I met with a friend and after some basic catching up she mentioned a young man she knows that is getting married and how the marriage was arranged especially quickly, and that she felt as though something seemed amiss. After some speculation, we laughed at how we were gossiping. As the conversation continued, we talked about the possible reasons for the hasty marriage and realized that the bride-to-be is in the country on a visa and probably needs to marry in order to remain here. We agreed that this was probably a mutually agreeable deal that was struck between them. We then continued to talk about ‘arranged marriages’ and ‘marriages of convenience’ which then led to wondering what constitutes a good marriage. What does it take to have a successful marriage and how do arranged marriages compare, etc. We realized that we had taken the conversation from the ‘people’ level (gossip) to the ‘event’ level and then to the ‘idea’ or concept level and how much more stimulating, interesting, and intriguing the conversation became.

     This is not to say that every conversation needs to be memorable or even stimulating. However, if we want to have more intriguing conversations and we choose people who also enjoy good discussions, then we can raise the conversation by broadening the perspective and discussing the concept or theory behind the words.

INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
The next time you are in a conversation that seems to be going nowhere and you would like to add spark to a discussion or bring the conversation to another level, listen carefully and try to identify the overall concept. Note how the subject may apply to your life – or to life in general and introduce related thoughts and ideas to the conversation. Through this expansion of thinking, rather than staying with the details, a conversation can take on another dimension.

If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences. Your feedback and comments have been most welcomed:-) Keep them coming!!

Very best regards,

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