www.LifeCoachingGroup.com: Life's Little Lessons

"It is expressly at those times when we feel needy that we will benefit the most from giving."
Ruth Ross

     Did you ever notice how some people give you a present, perhaps for your birthday and it’s so not right for you. It may not be your taste in music, or a color that you like, or a style that you’ve ever worn. Yet, it’s something that suits their taste, their style. Why would someone give you a gift that doesn’t suit you at all? Is it because they really don’t care about you and just want to give you a gift for the sake of ‘having’ to give you something? Or, is there something else going on?

     There is a philosophy that says: If you desire something... Be that something in your own life.

     If you want to ‘feel important’ or be acknowledged, etc., then make others feel important, acknowledge them. More often than not, we want or need something but we don’t take full responsibility for that fact. What we do instead, is give it to someone else in the HOPE that we will get it in return.

     At times, you may think "I wish that people around me would be more attentive or pay closer attention to what I say." Sometimes, you may not even be aware of this on a conscious level. We have all heard "wishing and hoping won’t get you what you want" — but there is a way that by acknowledging what you do need, you could get what you wish and hope for. How does that work? You would have to make a conscious decision to GIVE that which you want but NOT with the intention of receiving it back. The more you can ‘attend to’ people, the more you give ‘attention’ to other people, you might actually get attention and/or the more you may feel the need for attention satisfied just because you are giving so much of it.

     Sometimes I feel (not an actuality – just a feeling!) that I don’t have enough people caring about me. When that feeling strikes, I actually take the time to make lots of phone calls and send lots of e-mails. What am I doing and why? I’m reaching out and asking people how are things going in their lives. What are they up to these days? How is their family? First of all, it takes the focus off of me and secondly, and most importantly, in that process, my caring about them nurtures me.

     Did you ever go to the supermarket and the check-out person is particularly unfriendly? It bothers me because I finally pick a line, can’t wait to get out, and I’m faced with a person who acts as though he/she is doing me a favor! What would I rather encounter? A friendly, smiling person. Can I change this person? No. HOWEVER, I do say something like, "Seems as though you are having a rough day." What happens? I get a response – sometimes an explanation, sometimes thank you for noticing, sometimes a simple acknowledgment. No matter what, someone just felt cared about in some way. I’ve noticed that the next time I get on that line, the cashier makes some (even if it’s minimal) effort to be friendly.

     What is missing (do you 'feel' is missing) in your life?

INVITATION TO EXPERIMENT:
Think about something that you would like to have in your life that you feel you don’t get often enough. Then think of ways that you can give that to other people – perhaps it’s confidence, love, strength, support, respect, etc. Find ways that you can give it often and then note after a period of time if you notice anything different about your need for that which you have been giving. Hopefully, the desire will be greatly diminished or gone.

If you feel inclined, please let me know if you decide to go ahead and try this experiment. I would love to hear about your experiences.

Very best regards,

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